OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
