i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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