I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
