Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
