Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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