Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
