Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize