Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
