the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
