i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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