I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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