Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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