Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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