yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
