It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
