I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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