i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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