I think my fart just growled at me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
