bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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