Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
two words: eviction party
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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