I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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