My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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