MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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