Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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