i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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