i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
