I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
