you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
