Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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