i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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