oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
