Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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