just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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