Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Two words: blizzard sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
