He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize