You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
