is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You ruined the universe
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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