i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
