Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
