Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want her autograph on my taint
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
