Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
