My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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