I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
