I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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