The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
