just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
