Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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