Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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