Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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