dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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