I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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