It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize