I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we should paint friendship bongs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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