Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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