Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
