His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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