shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You made out with two different species that night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
