Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
