You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
