Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
