Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
