Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
