Sponge bath it is.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
