love makes seman taste better
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
