Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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