There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
