drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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