so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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