I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
