I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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