Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
