Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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