: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
