I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dicks are not precious.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
