Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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