I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
