she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
