dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
