that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
