You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
